1997 European Union Commissioners quest for a single language
The European
Union Commissioners have today announced that, after considered debate,
an agreement has finally been reached to adopt a single language for the
European Union. The preferred language for all European communications
will now be English, rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part
of the final negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English
spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased
plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish.
In the
first year, the letter 's' will be used instead of the soft 'c'.
Sertainly, Sivil Servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard
'c' will be replaced with 'k'.
There
will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome
'ph' will be replaced by 'f'. This will make words like 'fotograf
some 20 persent shorter.
In the
third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to attain
a stage where more komplikated improvements are possible.
By the
forth yer, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th' by 'z'
and redusing 'w' by 50 persent to just 'v'.
During
ze fifz yer, ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou',
and similar moves would be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
After
ze fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibil riten styl. Ze drem of a
truli akseptibil Englis languaj vil av finali kum tru.
Auf Wiedersehen.